My toxic parental figure was my grandmother….she was toxic to my mother. My mom did her best, but my grandmother tried to force her belief system on my mother, the woman who raised me. This set the foundation for the types of romantic partnerships I had. I was allowing toxic behavior, and figured I couldn’t say much cause they “loved” me. If we were in a relationship, living together, intimate or all the above, I had to “tolerate” it. I did see my parents go through their drama, but aside from an occasional argument, push and shove, or temporary separation, they stayed married. I took note and stick around by these people, figuring that I needed to “get used to it”, if I wanted to get married one day. I did this for the majority of my 30s. Not being willing or able to break those cycles almost costed me my life.
Fast forward to 42 (in about 24hours), it’s been a good 3 years since I fought against this mindset and healed from it- and it was tough. My love life is richer, my self love is richer, and my platonic connections are beautiful, because I was able to release myself from the idea that my boundaries hold no value, and I was deserving of the love I give to myself, from others.
Two of the major things that made this possible, was my support system, and sharing my story with others. As far as I am concerned, showing myself grace (not beating myself up for “taking so long”), and celebrating the little detachments I did successfully along the way was also a major player.
We are the narrators of our own story. A shift in what we give our energy to, and what we believe is possible with work is a major player in our happiness/peace. If we find value in cultivating certain types of relationships, they will multiply. We can switch that up like we flip a switch. It’s as simple or as complicated as we want it to be.
We just have to take the first step. Our support system will hear our footsteps.